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Cuddling is fun with our partners, puppies and kittens, but have you ever thought about cuddling with complete strangers? What about becoming a cuddle therapist (that's a real job; I wish I were making this up)? Do the last two ideas sound creepy to you? Because they sure do to me. Yet "cuddle parties" are now a "thing" that have been around for approximately four years.
What is behind this trend? What happens at a cuddle party? Should we all be cuddling . . . or cringing?
To Cuddle Or Not To Cuddle
Before I go on to bash cuddle parties and cuddle therapists, let's talk about the psychological benefits of cuddling because there are a lot. Touching and cuddling reduces cortisol levels, lowers blood pressure and increases the production of endorphins and oxytocin (feel-good chemicals). It also helps with stress and anxiety. Here are some generally non-creepy activities that have some or all of the same benefits of cuddling: sex, exercise, massages and eating some kinds of chocolate.
So what exactly is a cuddle party? According to Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, who take credit for starting this phenomenon, a cuddle party is:
… a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection. You can come to a Cuddle Party to meet new people, to enjoy amazing conversations, to touch, to be touched, to have fun, to practice asking for what you want, to practice saying "no" to what you don't want - all in a setting structured to be a safe place for exploration and enjoyment. You can even come to a Cuddle Party just to cuddle!
Couldn't this definition apply to any given night at a local bar . . . except at a cuddle party you wear pajamas and don't drink?
What exactly happens at a cuddle party? Essentially, people sit around in a "puppy pile" (why not just cuddle with puppies?) and touch, massage, spoon and rub each other. Last time I checked, that sounds like an orgy. And while I'm sure it's a good time, it also sounds potentially dangerous for women. While there are rules for each party, what happens if someone violates them? What do you do if you feel uncomfortable? What do men do if they get an erection? It feels like the potential for something bad to happen at one of these events outweighs the prospect of anything good.
If cuddling with a group of strangers just isn't for you, but you want to reap the benefits of touching, why not go for a one on one session with a Cuddle Therapist? All sorts of therapy from talk therapy to massage therapy can be helpful for most psychological issues. But psychologists and massage therapists are trained by accredited institutions and licensed. So, how does one become a cuddle therapist? According to professional cuddler, Travis Sigley, "There's no real training program for this. Through grade school and high school and college, there's no focus on the people you're actually sharing those rooms with." Great. So essentially, anyone can start a professional cuddling practice and say he or she is a therapist. I'm really good at applying sunscreen on other people. Do you think I should make this a business? Hey guys, I'm a sun protection therapist!
So, why pay for cuddle time? According to Ali C (if this is such a legit profession, why doesn't she use her last name?), who is a professional cuddler and runs CuddleU in New York, there are many reasons including, "death of a loved one, divorce, depression, loneliness and people who are stressed or have trouble connecting socially." Basically, anyone with past or present trauma can supposedly benefit from cuddling. A specialized part of Ali C's cuddling practice is a five-step process she calls "re-mothering," which helps people who weren't properly nurtured as children to heal. This sounds like something out of an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. I am sure there are plenty of therapeutic ways to help people who are suffering because they weren't nurtured enough as children, but certainly not though a method someone with no qualifications just made up.
Honestly, I can't see anything positive about the cuddle party and cuddle therapy movement. Plenty of people have trouble with loneliness, social anxiety and intimacy, but sitting in a puppy pile with strangers in your PJs or having a session with someone who can call himself or herself a therapist probably isn't going to help that problem. And while I'm not a therapist (or pretend to be one), I think this could potentially trigger trauma and make a bad problem even worse. So, if you really want to cuddle, avoid the puppy pile and check out your local animal rescue instead. Or better yet, explore your problems with a licensed professional.
